Thursday, May 4, 2017

Star Wars and Randomness (Mission Report)

Because I'm totally not a nerd, and don't keep a cheat sheet of the Star Wars alphabet in my wallet.
No....that's not me at all.

-points up at thing- Hooray!


Since it's already late, I'll drop you all some epic SW music: EPIC
And let you decide if you want to read my short and comedic (well, in my opinion), story. :D

It's a conversation between Anakin and Obi-wan (bros), after the events of Attack of the Clones. XD
Enjoy if you wish to read!
May the Force be with you all. -Saphira

Mission Report

        Maybe we weren’t meant to survive. Maybe I was stupid. Maybe it was stupid on all our parts. Maybe Obi-wan really was a crack shot. 

        Excuse me?

        Don’t interrupt. I’m conducting a thought provoking mission report.

        In your delusional dreams. Did you just call me a crack-shot?

        Well, you are.

        Really Anakin? In the name of-

        Relax. You can read it when I’m done with it, and then grammatically correct the snot out of it if you want.


        Anyway... A lot of things happened that no one wanted to happen, and everyone pulled muscles they didn’t even knew they had. Fortunately, I know my anatomy and knew all the muscles I pulled, and also lost. -pause to look at Dooku-.

        Oh for the love of the upper levels. No one needs to know that.

        Um. Hello, my arm is gone. My whole right arm! People are going to want to know all the gruesome details.

        One: the whole thing is definitely not gone. Two-

        But look at it! It’s a nub!

        I’m trying not to, thank you very much. Two: perhaps some people are not as outstandingly fascinated with gory details as you are.

        Whatever. There were a lot of battles and clashes of ideals, and Padawan Skywalker would like to comment that he misses his arm. 

        It was your fault. I was the one trying to dissuade you.

        Yeah, yeah. I’m sure there is going to be a lot of Senate meetings and debates that are going to suck the living daylights out of Skywalker. If he could be excused from all further meetings, that would be just great. 

        Anakin, this is an official report. It is highly unprofessional to just state things like that.

        Meh, but at least it might make them consider excusing me from senate meetings.

        That is no reason to- oh never mind. Continue.

        Okay, stop interrupting. Even though the Geonosian Execution arena was a hell in and of itself, and though there were catastrophic mental horrors, and some Sith Lords thrown in there, I can calmly say that the effects were not permanent. 

        “Some Sith Lords”? There was only one.

        As far as you know. What if there were thousands? Just sitting in the arena watching us?

If there were, everyone would be dead. And by the star’s sake, what do you mean by mental horrors?

It was a mentally scarring ordeal Master.

Oh, your imagination- fine, continue.

Anyhow- I have to comment that Senator Amidala's performance in the arena was beyond compare. Wielding a chain strong enough to choke a bantha, she was able to scale the pillar holding her, and whip the chizik out of the execution animal. 


Shush. Also, Master Kenobi’s tactic was dangerous, and he should have been killed fourteen and a half times. But because of his superiorness, he was able to evade the animal’s karking huge legs and escape alive. 

You can’t swear in a mission report.

I didn’t.

Yes you did, right there.

Um...In Huttese. Nobody in the senate speaks it anyways.

And if they do?

They will appreciate my comedic wit. Come on Master, they need a flavorful mission report every now and then.

By the stars Anakin! A war has just started, they are not going to appreciate comedic wit! And it wasn’t very funny.

Master Kenobi would like to point out that he doesn’t think I’m funny. 

Take that out. I am not affiliated with this.

Well, uh, I hate to break it to you Master, but you were there.

        Yes, I know, and I’m trying not to think about it.

        Psh. Grand Master Yoda showed up with a whole bucket-load of troops to save our sorry selves. I would also like to comment that I approve the gunships, and whoever invented them is a technological genius. Except for the open doors. Who keeps the doors open in a moving vehicle? 

        You do it all the time, my thrill-seeking padawan.

        True. Skywalker would have liked the open doors except that the Senator fell out, along with seventeen troops, all our supplies, twenty pieces of metal, and probably Master Kenobi’s concern as well. 


        Should I mention who the senator was, or just keep it ambiguous?

        I think everyone knows who it is at this point. And this is definitely not going to the senate anyway, so I don’t believe it matters.

        Hmph. They are going to miss out on some quality commentary right here. After that, we were chasing the Sith Lord to his dinky cave, where Padawan Skywalker lost his entire arm to an ill-timed swing by Dooku, and Master Kenobi received a few burns. 

        Let me remind you again padawan that you did not lose your entire arm.

        NO, look at it Master. It’s gone!

        Oh stars, please.

        Maybe if I cut off your right arm, then you will understand my pain!

        I understand quite well already, thank you. And you can’t cut off my arm without a lightsaber. Speaking of that, what happened to yours?

        Um. Life. Life happened Master. It decided that it was time to pass on into the next world.

        By the name of- that’s the fourth one Anakin!


         Do you know what your lightsaber means to your commitment to the Jedi? Your lightsaber is your life padawan. After all that I have taught you, I would assume that you knew better.

        I know. I’ll try better next time Master.

        Somehow, I am not convinced. Every time you say that, you manage to forget it.

        Well, at least be glad I’m not dead.

        Oh, I try. I try ever so hard, my very young padawan. And somewhere inside me, past the layers of insatiable frustration, I find a sliver of light that tells me that I actually, somehow, still can bear the thought of you.

        That’s reassuring.

        Perhaps we can chat sometime in the near future. I, however, have to attend a meeting in five minutes. Do try to keep yourself intact.

        If only for a little while Master.

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