Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Instalment 16

This is still Kili's birthday if anyone is curious. :) Hope you are all having a great day! -Saphira

Dis brought out a cake later, iced thickly with Kili’s favorite icing.

Kili wanted to stuff his face into it, but for Ori’s sake, he just took a slice.

I didn’t really like cake that much, so I sat back and watched, drinking some tea.

After the cake, Kili got to open his gifts.

He had five total, one from me, one from Dis, two from Fili and one from Ori.

I saw the excitement on his face as he opened the first gift, and I knew what he was hoping for.

A kitten.

But he didn’t receive one.

I half promised myself to buy him a kitten next year, although I knew that Dis wouldn’t like it.

She didn’t enjoy pets.

But Kili loved all his gifts anyway.

Fili had got his brother and stuffed cat, which was as close as Kili would get to having a real one.

Ori had given him a deer carved from a piece of wood and a small bag of candy.

Dis had gotten him some paints, which he wanted to set to work right away.

Of course, my gift was several pencils and a bunch of rather crinkled paper, but he loved it all anyway.

After that, the boys played in Fili and Kili’s room until I had to take Ori home.

Fili and Kili went with me as I dropped Ori off at the market, where Dori was waiting.

We invited him over for supper, but Dori said that they had other things to do.

With a few quick goodbyes, we left and found Dwalin and Balin, who were immediately invited over by Kili to come for his birthday.

Bofur and Bombur were invited as well, and after Kili had bought some wilted flowers for his mother, we headed home.

About halfway there, I stopped, saying I had forgotten something.

“Go on, I”ll catch up.” I told Balin.

“Where are you going?” Dwalin asked.

I smiled, “To visit an old friend.”

The graveyard was quiet and blanketed with snow.

I dusted off the top of the stone slab and said, “Hello, Sorry I’ve been gone so long. It’s been busy.”

I wiped off the snow from the engraving that read Aili.

“It’s been awhile huh?” I asked, “Last time I was here was five years ago.”


“Well,” I continued, “Kili’s six now, he grew up so fast.”

I glanced down at the stone slab.

“He’s lost his first tooth. I remember when Fili first lost his.”

I smiled,”He came crying to you, so worried, in the middle of the night. Dis had thought he had stabbed himself.”

I chuckled, “She always was so worried about him.”

I paused.

“You know, she getting worse. I don’t know what to do for her. She’s seen a lot of doctors but they can’t help.”

I stared up at the darkening sky.

I sighed, “Kili just asked last night what you looked like.”

I huffed, “How can I forget?”

The silence was almost defining.

I rubbed my hand over the polished grey slab.

“I can never be a replacement Aili. The boys need a father, not an Uncle.”

I sighed, “Well, I just wanted to stop by and....and say hello.”


“Dis sends her love.”

I wiped away the last bit of snow from the top.

“I hope you know that we haven’t forgotten you.”

I stared at the rock that overlaid the top.

“I haven’t forgotten anything.” I admitted.

A snowflake landed on the slab and brushed it away.

“Fili was so little and made up a little letter from you to Dis.”

I sighed, ”I wrote it down so I won’t forget.”

I ran a hand over my coat, “Why do I want to remember the painful things?”

No answer.

“I remember every name of those dwarves who died on the failed journey to Erebor.”

I rubbed the slab again, “I don’t know why I do.”

There was a long silence.

“I miss you.”

No response.

I sighed, “Well, we are going to have guests over, so I better get going.”

For some reason I didn’t want to leave.

“Just know that because I haven’t visited you for five years it doesn't mean that I forgot you.”

I ran my hand over the name Aili.

“We haven’t forgotten you.”

I let my hand fall from the name and stared at the grey coffin.

“We never will.”

Dis had made a right up feast for everyone.

Balin, Bofur and Fili were setting the table as I walked in, and Kili was being entertained by Dwalin and Bombur in the living room.

I helped Dis with dinner, then we all sat down for Kili’s birthday supper.

Kili loved all the company and attention.

After dinner had been cleared, two more gifts were opened, One from Balin and Dwalin, the other from Bofur and Bombur.

Again, I saw that Kili was wishing for a kitten, and actually I hoped that Dwalin had got him one, but Kili opened the gift and it was a slingshot Dwalin had carved himself.

Kili wasn’t disappointed.

He played around with his new toy for quite some time before Dis urged him to open the other gift.

Of course, this one was a carved toy, made by Bofur, and Bombur had stuck a tin of Kili’s favorite cookies in there as well.

We talked by the fire until our guests had to leave, and once they had, Dis set us to work cleaning up the kitchen.

Kili talked the whole time about the finished Fort, and how Uncle had let him put the last stone in place, and if mother thought that the flowers he had bought her were pretty, and if he would get a kitten next year, when he would turn seven, and by that time wouldn't Fili be twelve and be able to grow a big beard like Mister Dwalin, and why didn’t Uncle Thorin have a big beard like Mister Balin, and how come Mister Bombur ate so much, and if he ate as much as Mister Bombur would he grow up to be like him, and why does Mister Bofur drink so much coffee, did he ever drink water, and why didn’t Uncle Thorin like cake, and....

“Alright!” Dis laughed, “To your room with you! Get in your pajamas sunshine.”

“Yes mother!” Kili bounded away to his room and I shared a laugh with Dis.

Kili was indeed our sunshine.

Fili dried some dishes, then followed his brother on his mother’s command, leaving Dis and I in the kitchen.

We finished up cleaning the kitchen, then both sat by the fire, thinking.

Kili was out first, and sat on the couch next to me, “Uncle?”


“Will Fili grow a beard next year?”


Kili groaned and laid back on the couch, “But then he’ll have a beard and I won’t.”

Kili sulked, “I’ve always wanted a beard.”

I chuckled and rubbed his brown hair, “Don’t worry, you’ll get one. It just takes time.”

Kili brightened up, “Uncle? How long have you had a beard?”

“Me? Huh...for as long as I can remember I suppose.”

Kili groaned as Fili entered the room in his sleepwear.

Fili climbed over the couch and plopped down next to me, opposite Kili.

Kili brightened, “Oh, Uncle, we wanted to ask you something.”

I looked down at them, “Yes?”

Kili glanced at Fili, who nodded in encouragement.

Kili leaned on my knee and asked, “We were wondering, Where do babies come from?”

Dis burst into laughter, as I stared in shock at them.

Fili laughed nervously, “You never told me when I was little, so now that I’m grown up....we thought you could tell us.”

Both boys looked up at me in anticipation.

I groaned and glanced at Dis, who leaned back in her chair and watched me.

I knew that she wouldn’t save me.

I cleared my throat, “Well boys....isn’t it about time for bed? I think it’s getting pretty late...”

Fili and Kili didn’t move.

I ran my right hand through my hair, “Boys, you are both still too young...”

“But I’m six!” Kili protested and Fili nodded vigorously.

They both waited for an answer.

I sighed and glanced at Dis, who smiled and said, “Boys, get washed up for bed, leave your Uncle alone.”

“Aw.....” Kili slumped onto my lap and groaned, “But he was going to tell us!”

“Listen to your mother.” I urged and in an instant, Fili and Kili were racing for their room.

I sighed and leaned back on the couch.

Dis laughed.

“Uncle, Will you tuck us in bed?” Kili asked as he jumped into his blankets.

“Of course.”

Kili did one last bounce before he snuggled under the covers, “And can Foofi read to us one of his stories?”

“If he wants to.”

I pulled the blankets up to Kili’s chin, who smiled up at me, “Can you take us sledding tomorrow?”

“Perhaps.” I tucked Kili in then went over to Fili who was furiously writing in his notebook.

“Ready for bed?”

“Ummm.” Fili wrote one last word before he slammed the book shut and threw it under his bed.

Fili plopped down and I tucked him in as well.

“Foofi? Will you read me a story?” Kili asked.

Fili looked up at me and I smiled, “Remember to blow the candles out when you are done.”

Fili smiled and sat up in the bed.

I walked out of the room and closed the door behind me, hearing Fili begin, “Alright, which one do you want to hear?”

I chuckled and walked into the living room.

Dis was there, fingering the flowers Kili had given her, but once I walked in, she put them down and looked up.


I sat down on the couch and gestured to the flowers, “Do you like them?”

Dis sighed and picked them up again, “Yes. Did you tell him that these were Aili’s favorites?”

I frowned, “No...”

Dis looked confused, “Then how did he know? These were the kinds of flowers that we had at our wedding.”

“I didn’t even know you had flowers at your wedding.”

“Ohhh..” Dis looked like she was going to slap me.

After a bit of silence, she asked, “Do you know why Kili got them? It’s so unlike him.”

“He saw that you were sad every time on his birthday, and just wanted to cheer you up.”

Dis smiled sadly, “Well then, he should have picked different flowers.”

She fingered a wilted flower in her hand.

“You don’t like them?”

Dis glanced at me, “I love them! It’s just..”

She sighed and glanced back down at the flowers, “They remind me of....things.”

There was a silence.

After a bit, I got up and sighed, “Well, It’s late, I should get to bed. As should you.”

“Yes.” Dis didn’t look up at me.

I smiled sadly and left the room.

I got ready for bed, then just laid there, thinking.

What if?

What if I had been stronger?

What if Aili hadn’t died?

What if our mission to Erebor had succeeded?

My head swam with questions.

I sighed and turned over.

I was tired of thinking.

Tired of thinking about what life would be like if everything had gone fine.

“None of this was your fault.”  Balin’s words echoed in my mind.

“Yes.” I responded to him, “But all of it is in my memory. And I wish it could be different.”

Wishing won’t get you anywhere.

I sighed and turning, blew out the candle by the bed.

At least it got me here.

Later that night, I woke to Fili and Kili both snuggling up next to me.

I started, “What’s this about?” I asked.

Fili didn’t answer, but Kili murmured, “You forgot to check under the bed for monsters, Uncle.”

I grinned and tucked the blankets closer around Kili, who smiled.

“Do you think we can go see the Fort again tomorrow?” he asked in a tired voice.


“Mmmm...” Kili was soon fast asleep.

Fili turned over and looked at me, “Do you think I’ll grow a beard next year?”

“We’ll see.”

“Oh. Do you think I’ll grow a beard like father?”

“Most likely.” I was surprised that he had remembered that.

“Oh.” Fili rolled over and shivered, “I kind of miss him.”


“Yes. Sometimes, I forget that he’s gone, and then I remember and I want to cry. But I don’t want to because mother is still here, and she might think that I’m not very strong.”

I sighed, “Crying isn’t bad.”

Fili sniffed and said nothing.

“I miss him too sometimes.” I admitted.

Fili was silent for a bit before replying, “Does Kili remind you of him too?”


“ ‘Cause he reminds me of father, except littler.”

I said nothing.

“You remind me of father too.”

I started, “How so?”

“Because, you are kind of like Kili’s father.”

Fili yawned, “He never knew our real father, so he looks up to you.”

Fili’s voice began to grow quieter, “And it kind of helps me too. Even if you are Uncle Thorin, you are Father to Kili and...”

Fili yawned again, “...And that makes me happy.”

He quickly fell asleep and I lay there, just listening to their quiet breathing.

After a bit, I sighed, “Thank you Fili.”

I rolled over and went to sleep.

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  1. Yes, I really did think he was going to get a live kitten. -_- I was here waiting, when *finally* Installment 16 is up. And my sisters were near me. . . and my eyes flitted across the screen to the words, "A kitten." And so of course I made odd noises to express my triumph, when I read through . . . only to find I was wrong. *low, grumbling groan* But I was mostly reconciled to find Fili had given him a stuffed cat (YAY for big brothers!).
    The rest of the presents were ones I can easily see him receiving (CUTE CUTE CUTE).

    *smile* I'm trying to imagine Thorin taking Ori home . . . *giggles* I wonder if they had conversations about anything? ;)

    Ehehe, that paragraph of Kili going on and on with questions . . . where is the lad, anyway? I kind of sort of want to hug that dear thing. (Come, he must be somewhere! *searches*) O__O


    But awww, Fili! :') That was one of the sweetest things you've said! "...And that makes me happy." BLESS THIS BOY.

    Oh, and here's what made me snicker: “You forgot to check under the bed for monsters, Uncle.”

    x Les

  2. Aww! This is probably one of my favorite chapters. It's awesome! KILI!! :) cuteness overload



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