Friday, January 10, 2014

Instalment 15

This one is longer. I believe. -Saphira



Kili jumped up onto my bed and bounced, waking me.

I groaned, and rolled over to see Kili’s smiling face.

I looked out the window.

Still dark.

I moaned, “What time is it?”

“I DON’T KNOW!” Kili yelled and jumped up on the bed.

“Well, It’s still too early, go back to bed.”


“The birthday will have to wait. Sleep until the sun comes up.”

“But I can’t sleep!” Kili face planted his head into my blanket and moaned.

I ignored him and rolled over.

“Uncle!” Kili settled down and shook my arm.

I closed my eyes.

“Uncle?” Kili asked more softly.

“Yes?” I mumbled.

“Can we invite Ori over?”

“For the birthday?”

“Umhm...” Kili slowly laid down, “And...and can I have some cake?”

“That depends if your mother lets you.”

Kili shifted, then lifted up the covers, “I’m cold Uncle, can I go under the covers with you?”

I murmured my consent and Kili immediately dropped into bed beside me, pulling the blankets up to his chin.

“You are SOOOO warm Uncle...”

I sighed and didn’t move.

After a bit of silence, Kili asked in a rather sleepy voice, “Uncle?”

I didn’t reply, so he continued, “What did father look like?”

I opened my eyes and rolled over.

I reached over and moved Kili’s hair away from his face, “Why do you ask that?”

“Because  whenever I ask Foofi, he never tells me, and he says he doesn't want to talk about it.”

I sighed.

Kili pulled himself closer to me, “And Foofi said that Father died on my birthday. And he says that’s why mother cries all the time on today. And...Uncle? Why does nobody like died? Foofi said that died is when your soul goes up to heaven, and he said it was a great place, and that nobody ever got sick up there. So why does nobody like it if it’s such a nice place?”

I put my hand under Kili’s head, and his hair caught the light from the candle in the living room.

His hair had always reminded me of Aili.

I sighed and answered, “Because, when someone dies, they can’t come back.”

“Oh.” Kili moved the blankets closer to his chin, “Mother must have really loved Father then.”

I swallowed, “Yes Buh.”

“Oh. I’ll buy her flowers then, with my money to make her feel better. Do you think flowers will make her be happy?”

“I think your mother would like that. Where are you going to get the flowers from?”

“Sometimes, Miss Breaga stores flowers in her cellar and sells them to people for the winter to make them feel better.”

“Alright then, you can get her some flowers.”

“Alright.” Kili quickly changed the subject, “Do you think I will get a kitten for my birthday?”

“I don’t know, do you want a kitten?”

“Yes. I want it more than.....cake!”

I smiled, knowing how much Kili liked cake.

He continued, “I want a kitten more than a bed...and a candy...and...and a pony!”

“Do you want it more than a curtain?” I inquired.

Kili glanced up at me, “Why would I want a curtain?”

“Just curious.” I rolled over.

“I would like a kitten more than new boots...” Kili kept on to himself, “I would like a kitten more than a blanket.....more than an axe....more than a table....”

He slowly trailed off until I heard his breathing even out, and knew that he was asleep.

But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t go back to sleep.

My thought’s kept wandering back to Aili.

Six years ago he had died.

What would have happened if we hadn’t gone hunting?

That question had tortured me for years.

Would Kili still have a father?

Would he not have to be kept up at night, wondering what Aili had looked like?

I had tried, tried so hard to be their replacement as a father.

But still, somehow, Fili had remembered.

And had remembered to tell little Kili that his father was not me.

Of course, they called me Uncle, and I told them that they were the best nephews ever, but sometimes, I wished that I was dead, and that Aili still lived.

Sometimes, Kili came home from school and fell into his older brother’s arms, sobbing that the dwarven children had called him names again for not having a real father.

That burned within me.

Regret, like a sweep of cold air always came upon me.

Aili should be there, not me.

Kili shouldn’t have to come home like this, almost every day.

A father was what Kili and Fili both needed.

Being Thorin, heir to the throne of Erebor was not enough.

Never enough for two growing boys.

I knew it.

Sometimes, a word would slip.

Fili would accidentally call me father, then catch himself, a scared look on his face.

Kili would trip his tongue and say father instead of Uncle, then look at me, with an expression that read, “Why did I say that? Did I used to have a father?”

Dis would scold her boys, and call them both Aili, but then clasp her hands over her mouth and forget everything she was going to say.

They needed Aili.

Not me.

What would have happened if we hadn’t gone hunting?

I shut my eyes tight, and took a few shallow breaths.

I turned over and gazed at Kili as he quietly slept on, his sides moving with his breathing.

I looked out the window and saw the first pale streaks of dawn as the sun rose.

Snow fell from the sky, blanketing the ground.

I smiled.

For some reason, it always snowed on Kili’s birthday.

Kili was very happy about the fact, as he was snow crazy.

Instead of waking him up to see the beautiful sight, I let Kili sleep.

He would wake soon enough.


Kili’s yelling once again woke me.

I sighed and sat up in the bed, yawing as Kili rushed in, still in his sleepwear.

“Uncle! You’ll miss birthday breakfast!” Kili grabbed at my arm and I let him drag me out of the bed and into the cold living room.

“Mother made pancakes!”

Kili sat me down at the table and jumped up into the chair across from me.

“Pancakes...” Kili sighed, and sniffed the air.

I sighed and got up out of the chair stretching.


“Go wake your brother up.” I encouraged and walked into the kitchen.

Dis was bent over the fire, making pancakes.

“Good Morning Dis.” I sighed.

She glanced over at me, “Goodmorning, lovely day isn’t it?”

I glanced out the window at the snow on the ground, “Yes.”

Dis sighed and straightened up, resting her back.

“Did you sleep well?” She asked, turning to me.

“Yes, did you?”

“Mh...well enough.” Dis bent over the pan again.

I sighed.

I knew what that meant, “You should see the doctor again.”


“No, not now, soon, if you are having spasms in the middle of the night.....”

“I had an excuse.” Dis flipped the pan over and put the pancakes on a platter, “I was having another bad dream.”

About Aili I finished.

“Well, “I continued, “You should stop having them. It stops you from making breakfast.”

Dis tried to slap me but I avoided the blow and walked out to the table, hearing Dis laugh.

“Uncle!” Kili moaned running up to me, “Foofi won’t wake up!”

“Again?” I sighed, “He needs how to learn to wake up, Did you jump on him?”

“A hundred times.” Kili groaned, “I even told him that It was my birthday, but he wouldn’t wake up.”

“Did you tell him your mother was making pancakes?”

Kili brightened, “No...”

He rushed off to go try and wake Fili up again.

I sighed and sat down at the table again.

I heard Kili yelling at Fili to wake up because mother had made birthday pancakes, with extra sugar, and perhaps Uncle would let Ori come over today, and maybe Mister Bofur, and Mister Dwalin, and Mister Balin and Nori and maybe even he would get a kitten from one of them because he had always wanted a kitten, and...

“Alright alright!” Fili practically yelled, “I’m up.”

“Yay!” Kili bounced out of the room, dragging sleepy Fili along with him.

He sat his older brother down at the table and then plopped down in his seat.

“Foofi! Look! Maybe it will snow, ALL DAY.”

Fili glanced out the window, and noticing all the snow, brightened up just a bit.

If there was anything to wake Fili up, it was a cloudy day with lots of snow.

Dis came out of the kitchen with a platter of pancakes, and a jug of milk.

“Happy birthday sunshine!”

Dis placed the platter on the table in front of Kili.

His brown eyes grew wide.

Dis hurried back into the kitchen and came out again with some maple syrup and cups and plates.

Fili finally woke up as Dis served him a plate full of pancakes that were still hot from the pan.

Kili devoured his within minutes, and asked for more.

Dis gave me a huge helping before serving herself.

We ate the breakfast relatively quickly, then Kili asked if we might be able to go into town.

We all turned to Dis, who sighed, “Alright, But I’m coming with you, I think I feel well enough.”

With that, the boys let off a cheer.

Dis hardly went into town as she didn’t feel well most of the time.

We cleared the table and then bundled up to go into town.

It was snowing, but not that hard as we left the house to go to town.

Fili and Kili were eager to find Ori and invite him over for the birthday.

But I had another idea.

“How do you boys feel about visiting the Fort?”

Of course, they both were overjoyed that Uncle would take them to see the Fort.

So, once we got to town, we left Dis to talk to some of her friends, then walked up to the Fort.

It was a huge stone structure, with massive carved wooden gates.

I hoped that it would be done on time.

As wished for, we entered the Fort, and saw no construction equipment.

Kili was very confused, “Where is all of the stuff? Did they quit?”

I didn’t answer and entered the inner keep.

Balin met us as we walked in.

“Ah, Thorin! I’m glad you are on time, come on.”

I started, “I’m expected?”

Balin glanced at me, “Was it not on the paper? We wanted you to be here for the finishing of the Fort.”

“The Fort is Finished?!” Both Fili and Kili yelled.

Balin winked at them, “Almost.”

He then turned to me, “Was it on the paper?”

“Not that I recall...”

Balin sighed, “Well then, study up. I expect those papers are due tomorrow.”

I sighed and managed a brief grin.

Balin led us up the two flights of stairs, which led to the two levels of the Fort.

I noticed that they were now covered in tapestries, with the standard of Erebor.

Fili and Kili bounced along, so excited that the Fort was finished, and wanting so badly to go exploring, although they had examined the Fort inside out already.

We reached the top, where we exited a door and out onto the watch tower, where we could see the entire town.

The flags hung limp as the snow finely dusted our coats and the tops of the roofs.

Balin smiled as he led us over to a place where most of the workers stood.

The workers, saw us, and moved aside, grinning at Kili’s curiosity.

Balin stopped at a hole in the turret, “We just wanted you to put the last piece in place.”

He gestured to a stone brick laying on the ground beside the hole.

I bent down, and picking it up, weighed it in my hands.

It was a light brick.

I smiled as both Fili and Kili came over to me, “Are you supposed to just...put it in?” Kili asked.

I picked up the hammer that was to permanently embed the rock into the wall.

“Oh.” Kili gazed at the rock, “Are you going to do it?”

I glanced at the rock, then back at Kili’s eager face, “Here, I want you to do it. It’s your birthday.”

I gently handed the rock to my nephew, who, looking surprised, took it into his hands.

“What am I supposed to do with it?” Kili grunted, “This rock is heavy!”

“Just put it on the wall.” I directed, and as everyone watched, Kili heavily placed the rock into the spot.

“Few...” Kili rubbed his hands together.

“Now look out.” I cautioned, and as Kili stepped back to join his brother, I took the hammer in my right hand, and smacked the rock as hard as I could.


I stepped back and examined the mark I had made with the hammer.

There was a small imprint on the rock that resembled the standard of Erebor.

It would come off in time, as it was only temporary, but the stone would stay there.

I smiled as everyone cheered.

Balin brought out a cask of ale, and we toasted to the new Fort.

A worker brought Fili and Kili some hot chocolate, as they obviously couldn’t have ale.

We all sat and sipped on our drinks, talking about the years in which the Fort was being built.

It felt good to have it finished.

Kili was especially excited, and he took it as a birthday gift from his Uncle.

When the boys were finished with their hot chocolate, they went down to to lower levels to explore the finished building.

I stayed up in the cold with Balin, and the rest of the workers left.

Balin smiled and turned to me, “’s finished.”

“Do you think it could hold every one?” I asked, “There are dwarves coming in every day, what happens if the town grows to be a city?”

Balin huffed, “We’ll extend it. It won’t be that hard.”

Satisfied with that answer, I hummed and sat back.

Balin shifted, “I trust you are doing well this season?”

I sighed, “Well, for myself, I am doing fine. But for Dis....ah..”

I emptied the grog I was drinking from and set it down, “It’s been six years. I don’t think it will ever go away. Every year, at this time, she always gets worse. Always. And I can’t help her. Recently she’s been having more spasms. I’ve told her to see the doctor, but, I myself don’t think it will help. It not just the sickness, it’s....”

“About Aili.” Balin finished looking sad.

I glanced up at him as he swirled his drink around in his cup.

He took a sip of ale, but then set it down, “Aye, I know. Aili was a good man, and a good father. Dis loved him very much, and it’s love like that lad, that you never can erase.”

I sighed and looked at the ground beneath my feet, “I know.”

Balin quickly changed the subject, “How are the boys? Getting along?”

“Fili and Kili are doing well in their school, I will give you that.” I answered.

“That’s good.” Balin smiled, “They take after their Uncle.”

I smiled briefly, “Well, I can’t say I’ve taught them everything. Their father would have raised them better.”

Balin laid a hand on my shoulder, “You are teaching them fine Thorin. No one could do better.”

I sighed, “Aili could. He should teaching them.”

“Thorin, as I have said before and I will say again, None of that was your fault.”

I turned to him,“But it was my responsibility.”

Balin sighed and dropped his hand from my shoulder, “Don’t linger on it. The world wasn’t made for us to forever be wishing that it was different.”

I laughed, and picked up my grog, “It’s getting cold Balin, mind if we step inside?”

Balin smiled, “Of course.”

We found the boys on the second floor, marveling at the tapestries on the walls as if they had never seen them before.

With a few well wishings from Balin and a lecture on returning the papers, I headed out of the Fort with Kili and Fili on my heels.

We found Dis, talking with Bofur at his toy stand, and when we had waited for about ten minutes, wishing that she would stop, Kili saw Ori, and so both boys ran off to invite him to the birthday.

They came racing back within a few minutes with Ori, who had gotten permission from Dori to come over to our home.

Dis presently broke away from her talking, and we all headed to the house.

Fili, Kili and Ori ran ahead, while Dis called after them, “Don’t slip!”

After a while, I asked quietly, “Are you alright?”

Dis turned to me surprised, “Of course! Why would I be not alright on my son’s birthday?”

I sighed and said nothing.

But Dis knew what I was thinking, “Don’t worry about me Thorin. I’ll be fine. It’s just that time of year again.”

She took a deep breath to compose herself.

“I’ll be fine as soon as I get to the house.”

We made it into the house, where the boys had already shed their coats, and were huddled by the cold fire.

“Uncle, It’s cold.” Kili said.

“Then add a log to the fire.” I replied, taking off my coat before helping Dis with hers.

The boys added a few pieces of wood to the fire, then sat before it, warming themselves.

Dis retreated into the kitchen as I made my way to my desk, and retrieved my papers.

I looked them over, before reviewing my notes I had written on them.

After a bit, I found a quill and ink and wrote my signature on the last page.

Finished, I folded the papers and walked out into the living room where the boys were playing with Fili’s Doony.

I watched them for a bit as they laughed and played with the stuffed sheep, then went to go wrap Kili’s gifts.

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  1. Kili makes me all-over happy; he's soooo bubbly, cheerful, innocent, and charming. You can already tell, even from his young age, a majority of his character traits. AND NOW IT'S HIS FLIPPING BIRTHDAY!!!

    *sniff* W-What? N-no, I'm not crying about him buying his mummy flowers. *sniff* Not at all! :| WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO MY POOR FEELS? Though do, carry on. It keeps the fangirling emotions alert and vivid to endure such scenes of emotion and sadness. Carry on!

    The entire concept of the Fort is an exceptional one; it leads me to believe that your mind is a wonderful place (obviously, it is!). *teary-eyed smile* I'm so happy Thorin let Kili put the last rock in place. :') He most definitely has a love for his nephews, and no one can deny it!

    Pfff, Balin. Papers, notes, — what next? Though Thorin seems to be very fond of them, one can tell easily. Heehee. . .


    Love, Les x

  2. Oh, I just love how Kili's SO excited for his birthday:) I love how climbs into bed with his uncle and jumps on Fili to wake him up=D


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